A Cup of Grace – with a shot of espresso

My husband and I (and the grown children we have conned into helping us) have been working on our backyard.  After living in this home for over 25 years, we have finally decided to pour some real effort into the backyard. 

We’ve been talking and dreaming about this for awhile. Slowly, a vision has taken shape. Finally, we were ready to tackle it in reality. Last month, we moved about 4,000 pounds of stone – repeatedly – finally, turning our dirt into walkable paths. Then, it was time to begin planting. 

I found this part difficult. I wanted all the dirt space filled and flourishing…immediately. I was sorely tempted to over fill.  I am impatient. Now, the reasonable part of me knows that with time and space, the plants we’ve chosen will get much bigger. Eventually, with tending, I will one day look out to discover that the space is complete and inviting.

I’ve discovered the same perspective issue in my own life, and I don’t think I’m alone. Perhaps part of the problem is our view of maturing. We sort of expect to “grow up” over night. We say things like, “some day I will be…” fill in the blank with whatever character trait(s) we hope to emulate.  Or, perhaps, we believe that because we don’t currently exhibit a trait we will never have it. We say things like, “I’m just not patient.” Before we dig into either of those points of view, a little self reflection is in order.

Let’s see…take a minute to describe the kind of person you’d like to become (the vision).  If you can, jot down a list of character traits. The stage of life you are in will certainly play a role here, but observe with me for minute. What traits make someone a good student, a good wife, a good mom, a good friend?  I would bet that if we made a Venn diagram (you know, the overlapping circles), we would discover that nearly all of the traits would overlap. The same desirable character traits appear repeatedly.  What if I asked you to list the character traits of a godly woman? Yep, most of those same traits appear. 

If someone were to describe me in the future or give a eulogy for me, here are some of the traits I’d hope they’d be able use to describe me: compassionate, wise, diligent, hard working, patient, joyful, a good listener, kind in word and deed, generous, insightful, peace-maker, humble, teachable…. I’m sure if you shared your list, I’d find myself saying “Oh yeah!” and adding more to my list. (I keep going back, even now, and adding to it!) That list, however, is pretty daunting. I certainly do not possess all those traits in this moment.

Do you think of yourself as either having or not having those traits?  Let me offer another perspective. What if those traits are like plants to be nurtured and grown in the garden of you. They grow slowly – so slowly each day that you can’t see it until you look at the before and after pictures. These traits are grown over years. We don’t wake up at age 30 suddenly with all these traits firmly in place. (At least, I did not!)

We are promised the Holy Spirit when we become children of God. Therefore, in Galatians 5, Paul encourages us to be “led by the Spirit” rather than by what comes naturally to us. He then goes on to list what that looks like, “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.” Which means that regardless of what your character is like now, if you are walking with Christ, these traits will begin to grow within you. 

“But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Against such there is no law. “

Galatians 5:22-23

He will nurture the fruit He wants to grow there. Take courage. If you are struggling to be kind or patient, or at peace, you are in a time of growth. It is only by practicing these traits, failing, and practicing again do they begin to strengthen and finally become second nature – Spirit filled nature. They never just magically appear. 

What we practice is what we begin to become. So here’s a thought to mull over: what character traits do you NOT want to define you. Are you practicing them now? I suspect no one says, “I want to be bitter old lady in my last days.” The question we must ask ourselves is: am I quick to forgive or am I holding onto grudges now? What “small” negative traits are we nurturing? Do we excuse our impatience, our harsh words, our small lies, our complaining attitude or critical thoughts? Those, too, will grow and bear fruit in our lives. I want to challenge us to allow God to daily “walk in the garden” of our hearts. He will diligently pull the weeds of sin.

I am now 55 and can say with great satisfaction that I am NOT the same as I was at 25 – or even 45.  When I’m 85, I will likely be physically in worse shape than I am now (though, I am fighting to slow that progress), but spiritually, I OUGHT to be in the best shape of my life! Those godly character traits ought to have deep roots. However, I will never be able to ignore the condition of my heart’s garden.

Unfortunately, there are lots of examples of those who seem to shrivel with age, and I don’t mean just physically. They allow bitterness to overgrow and strangle compassion.  Critical thoughts and words choke out wisdom and grace. Complaining becomes more prominent than gratitude. Hard work is replaced with “I deserve to rest.” This sounds fine, but what it too often means is completely pulling out of everything, using time and money only to please self. I believe that God made us to be productive for Him all the way to the last breath. This may be helping with grandchildren, or volunteering, or nurturing others in some way.

There are sad examples in the Bible of great men of faith who fell apart at the end of their lives. They became complacent in their walks with God, and sin and weakness dominated the end of their lives. Then there are people like Joshua. He fought giants and led the Israelites to the end of his days. 

Our gardens will never be “perfect,” not this side of heaven. But we must pay attention to the people we are becoming. And this is a slow, day by day attention to growth. This is a garden that flourishes over time.

The plant that produces good fruit nourishes others. The plant that produces toxic fruit also has an effect on others. What small behaviors and attitudes are you daily practicing, and do they align with whom you want to be and, more importantly, with whom God wants you to be? Go back to that list of traits you made and ask God to help you nurture those good things within you to help you flourish over your lifetime in a way that honors Him and blesses others.