A Cup of Grace – with a shot of espresso

Just a two weeks ago I shared with you in A Brief Discussion with God my conversation with God over my need to be thankful…in everything. In this post I want to rewind a bit, or pull back to give you a slightly bigger picture of what God is doing. 

I shared in the post Busily Entertained the idea I’d found of making space for God. I decided that that was my New Year’s resolution. I wanted to begin practicing some spiritual disciplines that I had either done before and dropped, or had never really done before. My end desire in this is to practice actively seeking to turn my heart toward God and to trust Him to do with it as He sees fit. 

As a part of that resolution, I chose to work on memorizing verses. Over my lifetime, this is something I’ve done before. (I was required to in elementary and high school.) However, for several years now, I’ve been pretty hit or miss. I decided it was time to try again. Each Saturday, I choose a verse, or set of verses, and simply practice them once a day, working on the most recent and then quickly reviewing the ones from before. 

The Saturday before that discussion with God, I had chosen Psalm 40:9-10. Verse 9 says, “I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness in the great assembly. Indeed, I have not restrained my lips. Oh Lord, You Yourself know.” I chose that verse and the one following because I was feeling convicted about not speaking up, about holding back in worship. I wanted to write this on my heart as reminder that this is who I wanted to be. 

Fast forward to Thursday and God convicts me about being thankful for my cough. (If you haven’t read the post, that may not make sense.) I was so grateful for that conversation, for God’s clear work on me. I had made space through prayer and had heard His quiet voice. It felt like a win. 

Sunday arrived, and I was scheduled to sing a solo. (Insert cringe) I am incredibly uncomfortable singing by myself in front of people. The cough, however, had made it impossible to practice and now impossible to sing. I was thankful for my cough this time but for selfish reasons. (There may have been a smug internal smile at this point.) I was so relieved to have a legitimate reason not to, to be genuinely off the hook.

And then God…

God: What’s that memory verse you’re working on this week?

Me: Oh yeah. I think I’ve nearly got it down. Let me see….(thinking). “Psalm 40:9 and 10” (I begin confidently) “I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness in the great assembly…” (I begin to slow as I get an inkling of where this is headed.)

God: Go on. (I can almost hear the smile and see the twinkle in His eye)

Me: “Indeed, I have not restrained my lips…”

Pause – God waits.

Me: “O Lord, You Yourself know…” 

I don’t have to finish the verses. I know what God is after.

Me: So, I’m not off the hook am I?

God: Why did you choose those verses again?

Me: (probably mumbling) Because I need to learn to boldly speak about You.

God: This is an opportunity. 

He waits as I chew on that.

God: What will you do with it?

Me: (I sigh but hold my head up. I know what I am to do.) I’m going to testify. (Even as the words pop out my heart begins to thump wildly. I’m still at home and my hands are shaking!) I do want to be faithful to this. 

Me: You know me, Lord. You have given me the ability to speak in front of people even if I’m afraid. But that can turn into me trying to teach a lesson. I don’t think that’s what You have in mind. I desperately want You to speak. Let my words bring glory to You. 

God: Obedience glorifies Me. 

And so, instead of singing Sunday morning, I spoke. I told the people about that first discussion with God. I told them of Psalm 40:9 and of God’s prompt to testify that morning. Here’s the funny thing I want you to see. It was all because of a cough. 

I returned to God and with tears in my eyes had to say with all sincerity: 

“Thank you for that cough. You used it to convict me of my self pity and foolishness. You used it to teach me gratitude. And now, You’ve used it again! You gave me the opportunity to proclaim your goodness and faithfulness to others, the opportunity to practice obdedience.”

Praise be to God from whom all blessings flow.