A Cup of Grace – with a shot of espresso

(This post is written in fond memory of Woody, our 10 year old yellow lab whom we lost unexpectedly. I learned more than one lesson through him over the years, but today I’d like to share the most recent.)

Fairly frequently throughout the week, I need to take the dogs for a walk. They are good size labs, and we are all happier if they get lots of exercise.  I am blessed to live in a place that makes that easy. I can walk out my back door and walk along the edges of fields for a couple of miles without worrying about roads. I can allow my dogs to run freely without too much worry.

Occasionally, I must admit, this has caused me some problems. For instance, Woody likes to chase any large bird that flies overhead. Or a fox will lead them on a merry chase. But most walks are relatively uneventful (minus the yearly skunk run in) , and if they take off, I have learned that they will come back.

We have deer in the area and therefore, there are also many local hunters. The coyote population wains and waxes. All that to say that my dogs occasionally come across what they consider a “find.” Usually, this is leg or jaw bone of a deer that has been shot, cleaned, and then scavenged by the coyotes and finally left on the edge of some field. 

A week or so ago, we had been out and were walking back. I noticed Woody wasn’t ahead of me. That’s a bit unusual, so I turned to see why he was lagging behind. He was coming along, but his progress was slowed because he was attempting to drag the entire spine of a deer home. He’s a big dog, but the spine was longer than he was tall, and so the end of it bumped along on the ground and would get hung up.  Every now and then he would set it down to readjust his grip. We were more than a mile from home when he found this “treasure.” 

I toyed briefly with telling him to leave it but decided that would be more argument than it was worth.  And so he struggled. (I planned on throwing the thing in our big trash can when we got home.). I’m fairly certain his jaw must have begun to hurt.  The spine had to be heavy. He was having trouble keeping up.  He knew the way home, though, so I didn’t worry, nor did I slow down.  Just before we got home, I suddenly realized that he’d caught up, and the spine was nowhere to be seen. He’d finally given it up. He’d finally decided that it just wasn’t worth it. 

As I watched him struggle with that spine, I wondered what “old bones” was I carrying around, insisting that I had to have. Some of these are things that aren’t wrong or bad for me, but they do weigh me down. I bump along down the path of life with them, hauling them over hill and dale. I get tired and discouraged, but I don’t stop to question the value of just setting them down and walking away.

These bones come in all shapes and sizes. Perhaps it is an old dream that no longer fits quite right. I expected life to hand me this or that, and it didn’t. Yet, somehow I keep thinking I need it or that it will complete me. The old dream keeps me from appreciating where I am and the possibilities here.

Maybe, it is a way of doing things. I believe that I must approach a task a particular way. This can make me unteachable. I find this one is very tempting as we age and acquire experience. We become convinced that our experience has taught us that this is THE best way to do something. Then, we become closed to anything else. It isn’t that you “can’t teach an old dog new tricks”; it is more that the old dog refuses to learn new tricks.

Belief that I “can’t” do such and such a thing is a spine size bone for many of us. I can’t: run, get up early, go to bed early, travel to another country, talk to a stranger, try a new food, give up drinking soda, learn to eat more vegetables, reduce my screen time, fill in the blank with whatever would be better for us than we are currently doing. We stop at “I can’t” rather than looking for ways to try. None of these are right or wrong, but all of them impact our physical, mental and spiritual well being. (We cannot impact one without impacting the others.)

Perhaps an old bone we carry is our perception of someone in our life. We developed an early response to them and never evaluate if that response is still appropriate. This happens a lot among family members. Competition between siblings can cause long term rifts into adulthood. If one had a contentious relationship with a parent as a teen, too often the tone is set. Even as an adult, that person will hear every comment from that parent as an attack. That person never stops to question if their response has simply become a knee-jerk reaction. 

As I said, much of what we hang onto isn’t technically wrong, but there are old bones that are not only detrimental to our growth but are also sins. Most of us have sins we struggle to let go of. Bitterness is one. Critical thoughts and words about others would be another. What about the one of negative thoughts about ourselves that question our worth as God made us? Trying to please others or win their approval can be another old bone. I am sure that you can think of others.

Unfortunately, like Woody, we become certain we need whatever we are carrying. If it is causing us particular angst, we reason that “suffering is just a part of life.” We aren’t wrong. Since the curse of sin, suffering has been embedded into life. But the question is, am I suffering for all the wrong reasons?

When Jesus said “take up your cross and follow Me,” (Matthew 16:24-26) He wasn’t talking about dragging along any of these “old bones.” In fact, it can be argued that He was talking about exactly the opposite. “Taking up your cross” isn’t the hardships we struggle with because of our own stubbornness. Nor is it the normal hardships of life. It isn’t the floods and fires or even sickness and loss. Everybody bears those.

Rather, “taking up your cross” is about self denial. When we “take up our cross,” we are submitting to God and choosing His way over our own. We “take up our cross” when we imitate Christ’s compassion for others, even when they don’t “deserve” it. We “take up our cross” when we are willing to speak the truth in love when it is counter cultural and makes people angry. Forgiveness, humility, compassion, grace, patience are all forms that our “cross” may come in.

Old bones are the reverse. We drag these things along with us because we CHOOSE to. We are “preserving” something self centered. Oh, we have lots of “reasons” for doing so, but they are still chosen patterns of thought and of living. What bones are you hauling around with you? That’s a conversation between you and God.

Like my dogs, I often set something down only to return to it later and try to carry it again. I want to stay alert for the Holy Spirit’s voice. It’s awfully hard to “carry my cross” and old bones. I have to choose.