A Cup of Grace – with a shot of espresso

Babette, or Babs as she is more commonly called, is my daughter’s corgi.  She’s an affectionate and overall obedient little dog.  She talks – like most corgi’s do. And that warm little puddle she leaves generally means that she was REALLY excited to see you. Rebekah has trained her to respect Bek’s authority even at the food bowl.  She waits until she is given permission to eat before gobbling down her food as fast as she can go. And most of the time, this is a system that works perfectly – two times a day.  Babs is far from neglected. Bek carefully nourishes and exercises this bounding ball of energy to keep her in excellent condition. 

But then they came to stay for a bit.  

We have three large labs who are moderately well behaved. Our youngest lab Rosie and Babette love to play.  They chase each other in circles around the large magnolia out back.  Babs tries to herd Rosie when we go on walks in the back pasture, and it turns into a game of Red Light-Green Light until Rosie finally bowls Babs over, end over tea-kettle, as she blasts past. 

However, our labs are fed once a day.  We fill three bowls in the morning, and they graze on them throughout the day. It is rare for any one of them to polish their food off in one go. These bowls are kept outside, and the dogs are allowed to go in or out whenever they ask.

Without thinking one morning, I let Babs and Rosie out.  They’d been wrestling in the hallway and needed some run time. When next I let Babs in, her distended belly told the story.  She had cleared out at least two of the bowls, in spite of having had her breakfast already. She didn’t feel good.  She spent the rest of the day with some serious intestinal issues that I won’t describe here. 

Unfortunately, Babs didn’t learn from her mistake. “Why is she so food-insecure?” My daughter wailed. “She is not underfed.  And her meals are regular.” For her entire stay, we had to make sure labs’ food was put up before letting her out. If we ever forgot, the affair was repeated. 

I don’t have an answer to Bek’s question. Why is it that a dog who is so carefully tended inhales all food as if she will never see food again?  I don’t know. But the question led me to some personal reflection.

When do I “scarf” down things, as if I can’t trust that I will ever see that thing again? Do I think that God might forget me tomorrow, and I have to store as much in my hump as possible?

Like Babs, I have done this with food, eating well past full. One more piece of pizza, one more scoop of ice cream, one more – scratch that – three more cookies. I behave like I will never again have access to pizza, ice cream or cookies. But I think the lesson I am beginning to see in Babs may extend far past food.  

I may not truly have food insecurities, but I have to ask what insecurities do I have that I try to fill myself? My need for approval can never be filled. At least not as long as I’m looking to others to fill it. Yet, I try. I, like anyone else, can get caught up in the “likes” of social media, using others comments and reactions to determine…what…my value?! Ouch. Like Babs I can “gorge” myself on the praise of others. Only I discover that, like Babs, the results may be less than ideal. 

If outside approval becomes too important to us, there are some downstream problems that occur.  We get “addicted” to the “likes” and comments, checking our social media repeatedly for affirmation.  What we post becomes heavily influenced by what we anticipate our audience’s reaction will be rather than being transparent about who we are. And finally, we measure our sense of worth by others’ reactions to what we say. 

Looking to a vast world of acquaintances for direction in what we should say or think is pretty dangerous. In fact, I would call it foolish…until I’m the one doing it.  On the other hand, seeking to please God will never lead me astray. But do I even look to God for approval? Or am I too busy looking for everybody else’s? If I have His, why do I crave anyone else’s?

Relatedly, why do I get so hung up on my appearance? (Is that a zit? Surely that is not a gray hair? Maybe the mirror is made to make me look this big.) This insecurity is mixed in with the desire for approval. Most women continually measure themselves against others. We say we don’t, but the fashion, cosmetic and hair industry calls us liars and make millions. If I’m not vigilant, the scale can quickly go from being an informative tool to a device that measures my worthiness, so too can the mirror or photos.  Photos of other women can as well!

I’ve had open discussions with some of the young women in my life.  Take good care of your body.  Feed it well, exercise, sleep etc.  However, be aware that a number on a scale will never make you happy.  Because the truth is that when you achieve your healthy weight goal, you will likely fixate on something else about yourself you don’t like. (My butt is too flat; my hair isn’t the right color; my lips are too thin; my wrinkles are increasing.) We are never “satisfied.” We no sooner do we get what we want then we are on to the next thing. I know this. I warn others of it, but over and over I fall for it. Like Babs, I am insatiably “hungry.”

So, if I could have a rational discussion with a dog (and I have tried), I would remind Babs that Bek has never failed to provide for her. In fact, Bek manages her food intake so she can be at her healthiest.  But Babs doesn’t understand (or doesn’t believe) this human reasoning. And so, I put the labs’ food out of reach. 

What “rational discussion” does God want to have with us? I think He would ask us why we seek the approval of others, often putting it above His? Do we believe their opinions are more significant? Why do we measure ourselves against others? Do we think He did a poor job on us? Do we think He really should have given us so-and-so’s build, or hair, or skin? Which brings us to something I’ve talked about before.

God is far more concerned with the condition of our hearts than with how people respond to our pictures or posts. He cares a whole lot more about our character than the wrinkles on our faces, the dinginess of our teeth, or the fit of our clothes. I’m not saying that posting on social media or taking care of ourselves is wrong. I am saying that our motives get easily skewed. Do we have hearts that seek to please Him, whether it is in what we say or in how we care for ourselves?

God made each of us. Our lives are a gift, and that should be motivation to care for ourselves as well as do good things. He has things He is doing and ways for us to join Him. The fact that He made us unique means that we are uniquely qualified for whatever task He assigns us. That should be why we pursue healthy habits, for those are what will equip us to do well while we have breath.  

Like Babs, I struggle with insecurities. My motives get off center, and the cascade of negative effects is inevitable. The question I should regularly ask myself is whose approval am I really seeking? And whose image do I want to become more like? That will change depending on who or what I am focusing on.

If my eyes are on others or myself, I will ultimately make pleasing those my end goal. If my eyes are on Christ, everyone else fades into the background. For me, this is a day to day exercise, sometimes minute to minute. I am easily distracted, alarmingly so sometimes. Ultimately, just as Babs needs to learn to trust her owner, so too, I need to practice trusting my Creator and my Savior.

Rather than chasing the approval of others or even myself, both of which are impossible to satiate, I want to echo John the Baptist’s words in John 3:30. His disciples were concerned because he was losing followers to this new guy – Jesus. John knew his role, and his reply was, “He must increase, and I must decrease.”

Like John, our ultimate purpose as Christians is to point others’ attention to Jesus. Please understand that even Jesus didn’t have the approval of the many. He didn’t change the truth He was preaching to make others happy or more comfortable. His only goal was to glorify the Father. Let’s imitate Him. May He continue to increase in brilliance in our lives, eclipsing our own light.